True confidence can only be reached through good self-esteem. Here's why
Confidence and self-esteem: a double, that when missing can cause quite much trouble! Have you ever felt like you fail often in what you do? Or that maybe you aren’t beautiful, fit, or smart "enough"? That's more common than you might think! Not only does everyone experience occasional days like this, but some people walk a long way sunk down in thoughts that are similar.
This is a safe space for you to feel like that. In general, there is nothing to be ashamed of having low self-esteem or confidence. However, in the long run, this could harm your quality of life, relationships, and even work or studies, which is why I warmly recommend you start working on it as soon as you recognize this within yourself.
In our society, confidence is an admired (and also feared) characteristic. Yet it seems that people are more easily losing faith in themselves than ever before - I'd say most of which we have social media to thank for. While it has plenty of advantages and ways to simplify our lives, it has an impact of accelerating our natural tendency as humans to compare ourselves, our choices, and our lives to the ones of others.
Have you ever stopped to wonder, what are the signs of low or high self-esteem? And what true confidence is? How could you embrace your self-esteem in order to become the best version of yourself and obtain exceptional confidence in the process? Do you really know what's the difference between self-esteem and confidence? Because they are two separate things! Read on and I'll explain...
In addition to hearing "I love your hair", "You're really pretty", "How are you so brave?" and "You're interesting", I also hear people say "You seem super confident" a lot. And I mean… as a somewhat attractive, semi-healthy and semi-fit, stable, and optimistic person why wouldn't I be confident?
The thing is, just like the moon has phases from half until full, we too, have phases. By this, I mean that it’s more than natural that confidence wavers from time to time and it's not something you should take for granted. Sometimes people may seem super confident externally but they're having an internal battle with themselves. Personally, I have also received compliments about my superb confidence during those times - how can that be if I'm not TRULY feeling confident at the exact time?
Well, the way I see it is that if you radiate confident energy sometimes even though you’re not feeling confident at the moment, it means that you've managed to self-reflect enough to have a good knowledge of who you are as a person; what you value; you've learned to appreciate yourself. This way occurring low seasons of confidence won't affect the energy you radiate. Therefore, my theory is that having good self-esteem is the basis of confidence as well.
I see people use the words 'confidence' and 'self-esteem' interchangeably as if they carry the same meaning - but that's not the case. I'm also guilty of doing this, but only before I actually learned what they mean. So what is the difference between self-esteem and self-confidence?
Self-esteem (itsetunto in finnish) comes from appreciating and valuing yourself. It develops and changes as a result of your life experiences and interactions with other people.
Self-confidence (itsevarmuus in finnish) is your belief in yourself and your abilities. It can change depending on the situation and develop throughout your life.*
Confidence and good self-esteem are essential contributors to having a contentful, happy, and balanced life. Here I would like to point out that happiness shouldn't be perceived as a measurement of a good life. We also need, and we will have, times of unhappiness no matter what we do in life. Unhappy moments don’t make up an unhappy life - remember that!
Low self-esteem and lack of confidence can significantly impact physical and mental well-being. Here are some basic signs of a person with low self-esteem. Do you recognize any of them in yourself?
you often have critical thoughts about yourself
or ignoring positive features about yourself
you compare yourself to others and see yourself as inferior
you practice negative self-talk and mostly use negative ways to describe yourself
you always blame yourself if something goes wrong without considering there might be other factors involved as well
not believing compliments about yourself
you avoid taking credit for your achievements: "I was just lucky I guess".**
Whereas low self-confidence can result in:
shy, passive, or submissive behavior
having reoccurring feelings of self-doubt
feeling unloved and inability to trust others
having social anxiety & communication difficulties.**
And surprisingly, the signs of good self-esteem and self-confidence are… drumroll please… the opposites!
The older and/or wiser you get, the better you understand and feel that external validation in the form of compliments and praises doesn't actually improve your confidence.
Confidence and esteem have the 'self' prefix for a reason: they come from within.
How to improve your self-esteem and confidence?
Firstly, get to know yourself and what works for you. Dig deep to recognize your abilities: strengths and weaknesses and then think about ways to enhance your strengths further and how to improve your weaknesses. Learn what kind of things better or worsen your confidence specifically, considering the weak points you have.
Books are an excellent way to learn simple new things and get ideas. If you don't have a habit of reading, I reallyyyy hope you start now! Especially if your excuse is not having the ability to concentrate and pay attention (like I used to tell myself) - this is one of the indicators that you indeed SHOULD start reading instead of scrolling through social media and watching Netflix (things that reduce your attention span even more, while reading could improve it).
Think about your past achievements and things that you are proud of, no matter how small they may seem. Feel the confidence rise from them! Learn to accept yourself and the mistakes you sometimes make understanding that mistakes are a crucial part of learning and growing. Also, try to remember that improving yourself is a continuous process throughout life: it's not linear and there will be ups and downs for everyone. Making a few mistakes or bad choices doesn't determine you, you are not your mistakes, you just make them. WE ALL, make them.
Surround yourself with people and things that have a positive impact on your mindset and life. If you're already comfortable with the people in your life, you can also try and talk about your feelings of low self-esteem and confidence with them. See if they can provide you with advice, or if they can offer a new angle to look at yourself from.
Don't feel afraid or embarrassed about getting to a psychological/spiritual level of things! Try affirmations and manifestation, no matter how silly you might feel doing that. They truly help in many different scenarios and internal challenges you may have. You can easily start by stating out loud the things you already imagine yourself having and things you imagine yourself being. For example, don't only tell yourself "I will be beautiful" or "I will be smart" - tell yourself "I am beautiful" or "I am smart".
Practice critical thinking in terms of yourself and your actions but learn to recognize which thoughts to value and focus on. There are so many negative thoughts you may have about yourself or what you do, but not all of them are actually true or deserve as much of your focus. The same goes for any positive thoughts you have about yourself, for example, you shouldn’t get too fixated on how good you look and then forget to focus on other aspects of yourself. Looks are just a minor detail.
When it comes to self-esteem and confidence, lacking them can have bad consequences, but the good thing is, they are reversible and manageable. No one can feel 100% at all times, and it's normal to experience moments when you take hits on your self-esteem or confidence. The difference is in how you handle it and how you react. Do you berate yourself for failing - or do you simply accept the one mistake and obstacle, wipe off the dust and move on understanding that you're not a failure, but that you simply failed?
And one last thing. Don’t ever focus on what other people might think of you. By that, I don't mean intentionally hurting other people and justifying that by "not needing to think what other people think", no. Not thinking about what others think doesn't mean you shouldn't consider others. But what I mean is that life is short and we are in this world only for ourselves.
If you live your life restricting yourself from being who you want to be or doing things you want to do just because you're afraid of the perceptions of others, you only end up living for them. No one thinks about you more than you, so they may not even focus on what you do. And if they do? Let them. You are already doing better than they think simply by living the way you want to.
Any negative thoughts someone might have about you usually only reflect the things they dislike about themselves. And that is not yours to worry about, it is all up to them. FORGET ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE THINKING, go do your grind! <3
What do you think? Let me know in the comments!
*Source: The University of Queensland, Australia.
**Source: MedicalNewsToday & The University of Queensland, Australia.
