April update: Becoming Boy Sober & Pics of Porto
Lately the term “boy sober” has been rolling all around social media, and even though I’ve always been paddling along far away from the mainstream, this trend is getting to me and doing it well.
I decided that for the rest of April, through May, all the way to June — I’ll become boy sober myself (in addition to becoming alcohol sober as well, but that’s another story).
And how does all this then knit together with my trip to Porto? Well…
“Boy Sober” — “What, boys over?”
What the heck is “boy sober” you might ask. Essentially, it’s just a trendy term for dating strike that straight women might use (yes, the reversed term would therefore be “girl sober”, for bisexuals, etc. I’d reckon the equal term then being, yk… “sober”?)
The thing is, this strike, in particular, is not only about not going on dates but almost cutting the opposite sex out of one’s life completely. While it’s “allowed” to flirt with people you encounter, you’re not supposed to intently form romantic relationships with someone, including presence on dating apps and responding/engaging to DMs with obvious intentions of the sort.
Writing this down as black on white does make it sound quite strict but honestly, even though I consider myself quite unbothered and have lately been spending significantly less time and energy on dating than I used to for example, a year ago, it’s still so easy to get carried away and let your mind be occupied with the thought of dating, the opposite sex, or one specific person in general. Therefore, the aim of soberness is to minimize intrusions of the mind to focus one’s energy, capacity, and time on things that one considers more important at the time — a firewall if you will. And that’s exactly what I aim to do next.
My goal is to remain boy sober until June 2024 so that I can focus my finally rediscovered energy and drive on things I should’ve been focusing on for quite some time already, such as properly and cohesively taking care of myself: exercising, nourishing, pampering, socializing (with my favorite women).
This includes focusing on work and personal projects, for example honing my skills in photography and writing, and diving deeper into other interesting topics I want to learn more about. I deleted the last of my dating apps this week, and have been shifting my mind in off-mode when it comes to dating. HERE WE GOOO!
Luckily, my heart is not even available at the moment — Porto is borrowing it
The reason why I thought it would be fun to combine these two topics on a blog post is rather simple, yet maybe weird to some but hear me out! In the past years, I’ve found myself not crushing on or falling in love with men, but places. I fell in love with Barcelona, hence my move here. That love developed even further the longer I’ve spent here and the more I’ve been able to create a life of my own, connecting with people in other than a romantic manner. I have dated actively, yes — but not gonna lie, I haven’t felt the same way about any guy I’ve met here than about my love for Barcelona.
The same applies to other places I’ve visited: I didn’t fall in love with Vienna, I liked it, but not enough to feel too deeply about it. I fell in love with Porto, but I know this love isn’t everlasting like my love for Barcelona. I’ve realized that the person I want to fall in love with needs to feel like the cities that I love: exciting, intriguing, at times calm, and always homey. I wrote this piece upon my move here, and it still applies:
Falling in love isn’t an easy process.
It’s moments of happiness followed by fleeting moments of despair and doubt. It’s questioning yourself and what you’re feeling, as well as trying to figure out whether the subject of that love is worth it, to be trusted.
The best kind of love brings out the best in you: the passion, the fun, the kindness, the spontaneous and the tranquility.
It is rose pedals, feet-off-the-ground kind of energy, warm sensations in your heart and mind.Love can break your heart in pieces if it doesn’t work out, but you never fall out of it without valuable lessons learned. Eventually, the good kind of love becomes a place that feels like home. And it’s worth the wait every time.
So one ordinary afternoon, me and my friend got together in my favorite café here in Barcelona, the place where we also met for the first time to get to know each other. That afternoon, we sat down with the idea of booking a weekend trip to somewhere in Spain that we hadn’t yet been to — we then stood up a few hours later with plane tickets to fly over the whole country and settle ourselves in Porto in Portugal for 3 nights. Close enough.
It was gonna be such a blast: two single gals on the road. And that’s what it was indeed! I’m not going to spill the tea on what the trip included exactly as I rarely kiss and tell but we certainly did a lot of talking, walking, laughing, and umbrella-holding (this is not a metaphor or a diversion term). The weather ended up being very grey and rainy, but that didn’t slow us down from savoring countless pastels de nata, taking more pictures and videos than probably made sense, and staying up a tad too late.
Our Airbnb was nicely located in Bolhão, a very central neighborhood in Porto that offered almost everything, except for grocery stores or supermarkets (we spent a long while searching for a place to buy me a toothbrush, and my friend some makeup remover).
We had some drinks at Rua de Cândido dos Reis, admired books in the Lello library, bought some candies at the old Mercado do Bolhão, listened to classical street music at the Porto Cathedral while gazing over the city that felt and looked like a painting. We crossed the famous Ponte Luis I bridge, and enjoyed the sunset at Jardim do Morro, over a cheap bottle of red wine that we had to buy a bottle opener for (and find a pair of scissors from the nearby establishments to open the package).
We didn’t have time to go outside the center, but central Porto was quieter, more expensive, and safer than I expected. People we met spoke English decently but even still I did my best to learn a few phrases like the good tourist I aim to be. For me, this was the first time in Portugal but definitely not the last! Next up on my list are definitely Lisbon and Madeira.
Porto is gorgeous, but I would imagine it would be a nicer destination in the summer. It’s also very romantic and exciting in that sense, so it would make a perfect place to visit as a couple.
With love, Stiina