Have you ever done something you know is bad for you, but you keep doing it anyway — continuously? Pff what a silly question, of course you have. And I’ve too. Frankly, most people have, and keep doing things that evidently don’t contribute to their long-term goals and desires but solely produce short-term contentment. Examples? Toxic relationships, potentially harmful foods and substances, bad life habits, and behavioral patterns just to mention some. I wish this post serves as a call-out for doing things you know are bad for you and as an external motivation to stop doing them to improve your life and become a better person (to get you where you want to be in life).

So that you can read this post with a clear image in your mind related to that one thing of yours that you keep going back to, let your mind identify your weak spot from this list (if you have multiple, maybe focus on the one that clearly comes with the biggest issues). Examples include:

• Toxic relationships — going back to that toxic ex or accepting disrespectful behavior from someone who’s still somehow an important individual in your life → we stay with and return to people because of our own internal traumas, fears, and emotions we haven’t dealt with. Maybe the fear of being alone, fear of losing instead of gaining, gold plating the good times while sweeping the bad ones under the rug, or even being manipulated by them.

• Harmful foods and substances — there’s a long list of foods that are mildly/potentially harmful in the long run (to most people at least), like caffeine, artificial sweeteners and sugar, things you’re intolerant to, inflammatory foods, and bad fats. And then there are substances that can majorly affect your current or future life and well-being, such as alcohol, nicotine, drugs, etc. → we keep digesting these because they fill a certain temporary need or give us a certain feeling we thirst for. Partially using these foods and substances can be a force of habit.

• Bad habits — “doom scrolling” through social media for hours, bad sleeping patterns, low amount of daily exercise, little to no meditation or stress management, continuous snacking, and use of the earlier mentioned substances… → we keep doing so because it’s what we’re used to, what we know, and something that we feel safe and comforted in. This allows us to remain in our comfort zone instead of challenging ourselves and honestly, sometimes we can’t imagine things being better without that habit.

• Behaviors & social patterns — gaslighting, negligence, ignorance of others, dishonesty and disloyalty, laziness, gossiping, lack of abundance and self-reflection… the list is endless → we remain the same probably due to the last aspect mentioned on this list (we haven’t identified the issue to work on it), traumas, and learned paradigms. Bad patterns and behaviors are often learned from early childhood or adopted from our circle of people. Sometimes, bad behaviors simply stem from the previously mentioned bad habits.

Identifying “the worst thing” is the tiniest step toward what’s best (but it’s a step we have to start with)

Maybe you’re like most people: going about your daily life and tasks without paying too much attention to single details, habits, and patterns of what you do and how you act. But now and then, something catches your attention and you identify that this needs to be worked on. Or perhaps you are more like myself who tends to overthink a lot — or not quite “overthink” but more like dig deeper and think wider, therefore identifying cases of development here and there very often.

Neither of these is a good or bad way to go about your life but the most important part of both of them, is that every now and then you’re able to look into yourself especially if someone else calls you out on something, and then identify whether it’s something you’d truly need/want to work on.

When we identify something in our lives or ourselves that’s not good for us, that’s when the real journey begins. Acknowledging something that harms us either short-term or long-term is the easiest step in the process toward better, but it’s THE step that has to happen. After which, you need to decide what to do. And as humans, we tend to think about what we’ll be missing if we let go of something instead of first identifying things that we’ll gain.

For example, if you’re a coffee lover (like myself), you wouldn’t want to give up that tasty cup of energy. Because that would mean giving up those cute coffee dates and walks with friends, and that cozy snuggle-up at home on a rainy afternoon (with a cup of coffee of course).

If you have a friend who seems to bring you more agony than joy but you’ve shared so many beautiful memories that you’re afraid your life will be empty without them — why would you want to give that up?

Maybe you experience gut and digestive issues and knowing how badly alcohol only reinforces them, you’d like to give that up — but that would mean no more fun nights out with friends, no more of those mind-soothing glasses of wine over a cozy night in (or out), and no more summer afternoon Aperols enjoying life to “the fullest”.

How about we take a different perspective? Coffee makes me jittery and it adds to my anxiety. Coffee also makes my pulse and heartbeat faster and makes me unwantedly sweat easier and more. It adds up to my sleeping issues, and caffeine is known to harm the healthy balance of female hormones (therefore potentially contributing to hormone-based issues such as weight gain and difficulty in weight-loss, digestive issues, acne, premature aging etc.).

Alcohol, in addition to harming liver and gut also severely damages the brain, ages organs, accelerates weight gain, imbalances hormones, causes addiction and entices anxiety. As a summary, negatively impacts the whole body. Bad friends then? Life is too short for shitty people when the world is full of people that would do anything to spend their time with you.

To summarize all of this, what we could gain from quitting these habits and removing these toxic patterns from our lives, is better well-being mentally and physically, potentially a healthier and longer future (therefore, more time, which is the most valuable asset of ours), better sleep, clearer mind, weight-loss or maintaining it and reaching the dream physique, having less hormonal issues such as painful periods, gut issues (stomach pain, digestive issues, bloating), acne, mood swings, fatigue, etc.

Take it from someone who has quit all of these at some point in her life and gradually working toward quitting them for good: it’s worth it.

My fool-proof 5-step system for quitting a habit and detoxifying life

1. Sort out your thoughts — take a piece of paper to help you in this step if needed. Think about the last time you felt irritated, unhappy, unsatisfied, or disappointed in yourself, your life, or something else. Visualize that moment as detailed as possible and write it out on the piece of paper.

2. Identify the painmaker — without unnecessary finger pointing or blaming external factors, identify the biggest thing/aspect/factor (or even multiple if that makes more sense) that’s behind the negative emotions you experienced in the moment you thought about in the previous step. This could be something from the different categories mentioned earlier: relationships (people), substances (foods, drugs, etc.), habits and patterns (actions), and behaviors (reactions).

3. Imagine your life twice — first, visualize your life as detailed as possible 5-10 years from now, in a scenario where everything stays the same and you keep this thing in your life. Focus mainly on areas, feelings, and emotions this thing affects. THEN, visualize your life again but this time imagine the life without this one big thing. Everything you imagine to be true can be. Think about things like how does the differences between these two scenarios make you feel? How do people around you perceive and feel about you?

4. Determine your way — if the previous step made you understand that you truly want things to change, the rest will be the most challenging part of the process. You need to determine your own way of dealing with the thing, figuring out how will you phase it out: all at once or little by little? There are plenty of suggestions out there, mine is to pick the pace and style that suits you the best and makes YOU feel in control. If you decide to go little by little, make sure that you’re actually making atomically small changes day to day. If you decide to go all in (or more like all out 👋🏼), take what I mention below extra seriously!

5. Don’t wait — don’t even think about waiting until “then when…” to start the process. Decide to begin now, not tomorrow. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, delaying something you want or need to do will only diminish your most valuable asset: time (as your best self, living the life you want for yourself).
   
   It’s worth noting that it’s easy and common to relapse back into old habits and behaviors, especially in the beginning and especially if you decided to do a full 180º turn — and that’s more than okay. Beating yourself up for that or giving up because of one minor step back is not the way to go — just get back on track and keep pushing!

Conclusion

At the end of the day, the only question you need to ask yourself is: “If I keep doing this every day for the next 5, 10, 20 years, by the end of that time will I be a better person? Will I feel better? Will I be successful, and happy? Will I have loving people around me?” → that’s your answer trying to figure out if something is worth ditching.

With  love, Stiina