The 101, not Dalmatians - but frequently asked questions for single people
If I got a penny every time someone asked me “So how’s dating life going, seeing anyone” or “What’s your type” I could afford to travel around the world twice a year. Okay okay, that was a little extreme. But in all honesty, there are so many questions that single people receive ever so often. In this blog, I’m not really going to list these questions but I will talk a bit about dating in general in 2023.
I wasn’t actually planning to write a blog about this topic, I had only planned for the Instagram post and yet here we are! I just think this is an interesting topic regardless of whether you’re happily (or unhappily) in a relationship or happily (or unhappily) single.
Dating in 2023 is both amazing and terrible. Let me elaborate on that a bit: What’s amazing? 👇🏼
globalization, social media & internet - we have limitless options, and even possibilities to pursue them thanks to technology.
the freedom to live as you wish - I don’t have to consider anyone else’s life when planning out mine.
the freedom to meet as many new people, date them, kiss them, and even fall for them as often as you like
constantly developing the image of what you want and whatnot - other people offer the best reflection of yourself. Dating enables you to see yourself through others, learn about yourself, and thus grow. You’ll also get to learn more about others and what are the things you appreciate. And more importantly, what you don’t.
…and what’s terrible about dating then? 👇🏼
having limitless options and possibilities - everyone is out at the sea fishing for the biggest fish ready to throw away the fish that could be just perfect if they just opened their eyes.
Everyone is on dating apps but everyone seems to hate them. Mutual common respect for other people’s feelings and time is gone, and all of it has no value in the eyes of the stranger you meet through an app after a day of swiping right and left.
the freedom to live as you wish - sometimes it would feel so much better, safer, more exciting, and definitely more comforting to share your life and plan everything out with someone.
the freedom to meet as many new people, date them, kiss them, and even fall for them as often as you like - truthfully, times vary. Sometimes it seems almost impossible to find even ONE eligible person to date (which would be enough for me personally), and sometimes people happen to pile up (oh the irony of the Universe). But I don’t like it. I would much rather have the one special guy beside me.
you can literally never know what you’ll face tomorrow - this is also one of the amazing things as life seems exciting. However, after a while of being single, it can become exhausting. You literally never know whether that one super nice and cute guy you’ve been talking to non-stop ends up ghosting you out of nowhere, if you learn that they happen to be 20 cm shorter than you, if you find out they don’t match with something that’s non-negotiable to you, and sometimes… whether you notice starting to develop feelings (which of course is the goal here, but always a scary thing).
The issues of dating in 2023
ISSUE NO. 1: People date even when they’re not ready to. They haven’t spent time by themselves, working on themselves; their traumas, flaws, and weaknesses. Then they carry out the patterns and traits that evolve, into each new relationship. The worst case scenario is that they also then create new traumas for the person they’re dating.
ISSUE NO. 2: The “there’s plenty of fish in the ocean” syndrome. It’s true though, that there are 8 billion people on this earth so you WOULD THINK there always oughta be someone new, someone “better”. While I believe that there are people who fit us better than others, and while there are actually more of these people too, we still shouldn’t be on a constant lookout for simply “something better”. Especially if that “something better” is something that by the end of the day will be in vain, like someone who looks better, someone who likes the same music, someone who has a nicer family, someone who makes more money.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with these things, but after all, will they matter that much if the person you’re dating already checks 90 % of your boxes? No one is perfect:
Looks will fade away - what’s left is just what’s in one’s mind and heart. Taste in music is important - but will it comfort you when you’re going through a rough time? Nice family feels welcoming for sure - but it’s not the family you’re gonna live with, have kids with, and spend the rest of your days with. Making money is important and makes life easier - but you can always make more money even together because money can’t replace real love, caring, and affection.
ISSUE NO. 3: “Why should I put in the effort?” Life is short they say. So most of us want to take advantage of the time we have as well as we can. Maybe that’s what causes so many people to shift from one thing to another like headless chickens, because everyone is afraid to “waste time”. Especially in the case of meeting on dating apps, it seems like only very few people actually focus on one person at a time from the very beginning. And sometimes even when they learn that this other person may actually live thousands of kilometers away!
The messy truth is that there is no certainty about anything in life. So maybe the next time you’re thinking “Why put in the effort” you could think “What could happen if I did” instead. Move those mountains, cross that bridge, add that wood to the fire, and water the plants goddamnit (bringing out the big guns with the metaphors here).
So what about the future?
In all honesty, I hate being single. I would much rather be in a loving committed relationship with someone who I could build a future with. Someone I could count on, venture with, who would make me feel safe, and someone I could love unconditionally.
But through experience, self-reflection, and probably just age too, I have developed so-called high standards. It’s not about “asking for a lot” but it’s knowing what I want, what I need, and what I know is still realistic. I’m not asking for anything without knowing my own value and attributes, and knowing that what I’m asking for is not too far from what I can offer. And as my standards rise, so does the pool of eligible men diminish.
That being said, I’m happy being in the situation I am now: I’m developing and growing as a person, focusing on myself, falling in love with myself, and exploring everything the world has to offer. All this while keeping my eyes and heart as open as possible, because I don’t want to miss out on my person when I come across them.
These are my thoughts about dating life in general but they are not exclusive, nor definite. We are each entitled to have our own thoughts and perceptions about things, and that’s how it’s supposed to be.
It can be BRUTAL out there but I think getting to know yourself and being in love with yourself, treating others with kindness, empathy and respect, and staying open-minded but holding your ground and boundaries will get you far in finding the person who’s meant for you 🧡
With love, Stiina